drawnbythesword | 06 [Voice]

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06 [Voice]

[Filtered to Tear | 50% Unhackable]

I just wanted to apologize if my behavior this past week might have offended you. I know the experiment caused me to behave in ways I wouldn't normally.

[Filtered to Dist and Guy | 60% Unhackable]

Tear told me that you're very skilled with machinery and technology. If that's the case, I need your help.

[Filtered to Richard]

...Are you going to be alright?

[/Filter]

...How often do these 'drafts' happen?

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That's because... I know you've never done it intentionally, Richard. You're one of the kindest people I know, always willing to put others before yourself. You would never hurt someone on purpose.

[Richard just shakes his head. Asbel doesn't understand. It doesn't matter whether he did it intentionally or not, he still hurt them-- ruined everything that was the most important to him. How can Asbel not hate him? He certainly hates himself right now.]

...I don't know what you might have done to hurt Naoki and Isamu, but knowing the true Richard, I could never hold your actions against you. If Naoki and Isamu know you even a fraction as well... I'm sure they'll be able to forgive you. They just need some time.

Asbel...

[He's shaking again, this time from the effort of trying to hold back the emotions that are threatening to overflow. He's tired, he's sick, he FEELS sick to his stomach, and what he wants most of all is to just go curl up in a ball somewhere and never have to face anyone again. He can't, he can't, what is he supposed to do now? How can he expect them to ever trust him again?]

Richard... [Asbel's hand remains on Richard's shoulder. It's firm, but not tight or angry.]

In a case like this... If you're worried about whether they can trust you again... Then I think you need to first trust in them... Trust that they'll trust in you.

[He opens his mouth to protest, but instead just ends up choking on a sob. He wants to believe Asbel, he really does, but that fear in the pit of his stomach and the ache in his chest won't go away no matter how hard he tries. His anger is directed more at himself than the Malnosso-- how could he have fallen for that? How could he have been so weak?

He can't stand how pathetic it makes him feel.]

[...You better offer some sort of protection against sickness, Lambda, because Asbel doesn't want to get sick. Regardless, now, Richard, you are getting a hug from Asbel. How's that for trust?]

[That just makes Richard cry harder; with shaking arms he tries to push Asbel away. He doesn't deserve this. He doesn't deserve to be treated so kindly after what he's done. He's a horrible person. Why can't Asbel see that?]

[You can try to push him away, Richard, but he isn't going to budge. He is stubborn and refuses to let you feel this way.]

Stay away from me...

[But it's a half-hearted protest, even though he's still trying to shove Asbel away.]

[NOPE STILL HUGGING.]

...I can't do that, Richard. You're my best friend, and I trust you, no matter what happens. That's what friends do for each other, after all...

I don't deserve friends... not when all I do is hurt them...

[Because someday... he'll hurt Asbel too, won't he? He'll hurt him so badly that he'll leave the way Naoki did. It's only a matter of time. That's why he needs to make him leave now, before anything else happens.]

[There is silence on Asbel's end for a while. There are so many things he wishes he could do or say to Richard... Prove to him how moronic he's being. But Asbel's not that sort of person... So instead, he says this.]

...Everyone deserves friendship, Richard. Even... No, especially you.

[That's it. That's all it takes. Richard just falls apart, sobbing, heaving, shuddering sobs that wrack his entire body, even while he still keeps shoving at Asbel.

No, no, no, this is all wrong, damn it... what is he supposed to do if Asbel doesn't reject him too? This isn't how it's supposed to be.]

[Finally, he lets go of Richard now. Not because Richard was shoving him away, but because actions or words aren't getting through to him right now. He takes a step back, staring at Richard now.]

...Richard, do you know why I trust in you?

[Unable to manage words, Richard just shakes his head. He doesn't understand why.]

...It's because of who you are. [He walks around the edge of Richard's bed, stopping at the foot of it.]

You're a kind, compassionate person. You've always placed the interests above your own. When Cerdic had seized control of the Kingdom, you wanted to free your people from his reign, no matter the cost. Whenever one of our group was hurt, you always showed more concern for our well-being, despite how injured you were...

Even when we were kids, after... that day... You took Lambda into your body, not because he'd help you, but because you wanted to help him...

It's that kind, selfless nature I respect, that leads me to trust you. The results might not have been what you expected, but your intentions were always pure.

[Richard is clutching the blankets so tightly in his fists that his knuckles are turning white, though he doesn't even seem aware of that fact right now.]

No... I'm not selfless at all. The truth is, I'm really just a selfish, petty person. I wanted to defeat my uncle because I wanted revenge for my father and for the wrongs he had done to me. That was what mattered most to me-- my own selfish desires, not my people. And now... I'm worried about things with Naoki because I...

[His voice breaks again.]

I need him! I need him...

[And he's covering his face with one hand, shaking as he tries to fight off more tears.]

[He glares straight into Richard this time. He's about heard enough of this from him.]

I don't believe that. I refuse to believe that! No matter how much you might try to claim otherwise, you aren't that sort of person!

However, I do believe this... If you want him back, sitting here and wallowing in your grief isn't going to fix that.

Then tell me how I am supposed to fix that!

[The flash of anger is sudden, and he's moving to stand as well... completely forgetting what a bad idea that is in his current shape. Down he goes to his hands and knees with a thud, just clutching at the rug as he tries to will the room to stop spinning.]

Richard! [He runs over now, to help Richard back to his feet.]

You have to go to him! Sitting around and worrying about if he hates you now won't fix things!

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